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I can’t put how much I love you into words, but I’m going to do it anyway, anything for you, Minhee. As I’m starting this message, I’m already feeling overwhelmed with all these emotions I feel for you. You’re one of the most important people in my life, and I can not imagine a life that is without you. 

My friends can all agree with me when I say that I talk about you way too much. Sometimes I feel as though I talk about you to them way too much that they get annoyed, but when thinking that it’s about you, I can’t really imagine there’s such a thing as talking about you too much, or them getting mad, when I’m literally talking about an angel. 

I can’t really pinpoint when I started loving you, but I know it was sometime back in that God-awful TV show. I saw your perseverance; I saw your will to get better and better despite the odds. I watched you grow, I watched you make it into X1, and you won’t believe how hard I cried for you when I heard “Kang Minhee” be called for one of the final members of X1.

Getting to know you has to be one of the best things I’ve ever done in my life. You may not believe it, but I’m literally crying as I type this, the amount of love I hold for you is indescribable, and to be honest I’m kinda struggling in how to put it into words. 

I come from Australia, my name is Kai, and it is the start of a new school year here. A couple of weeks ago, I met my new science teacher. She had asked us to introduce ourselves, she gave us questions and told us to write down five questions and answer them. There was this one question there, I can remember this moment like that back of my hand, to be honest, it was one of my favourite parts of staring the school year. 

It was question two, the question had said “who do you admire the most?” I spent no time in thinking, you were the first person I thought of, so I got to writing down my admiration for you. I can remember what I wrote down like the back of my hand. I wrote down how I first watched you move from X Class to D Class and just feeling immense happiness, I couldn’t have felt happier, watching you succeed was just making my heart beat faster and faster. Watching you performing “_지마”, to performing in “MAMA”, to “이뻐이뻐”, to “소년미”, and finally, to “꿈을 꾼다” made me feel that immense happiness once again. 

I had said that the reason I admired you was because of your perseverance. I had said that despite you feeling like a nobody who had no skills whatsoever, I still believed in you, I put all my faith into you, I said that I believed you were someone, you ARE someone, especially to me. This was the reason I admired you. 

This whole paragraph on you, took up all the time we had for answering the five questions, so, basically, I had spent the time we were supposed to use for introducing ourselves, to talking about you, and how important you are in my life. To be honest, I couldn’t live without you, Minhee. 

Then, I think this is finally when I realised, when you were announced into X1, that you were literally the love of my life. You’re the love of my life, but not in the way you might expect it. I do not feel romantic feelings for people, but that does not stop me from feeling what I feel for you. I want to be your friend; I want to be that person that’s there for you when you feel sad or need a shoulder to cry on. I would not like anymore, or any less from you. 

I never expected that my love for you would ever run as deep as it is running currently. The time that I had spent with you while you were in X1 have to be some of the best memories I have of you. The first month before X1 had started releasing any teasers or anything, I had backed off a bit, and took a break from you guys, I had to prepare for the oncoming onslaught of amazing ness that I knew to expect from you, and you did not disappoint. 

The moment your teaser was released, I was there to scream to the whole world about how much I loved you and these teasers. When they were released, it was 1AM in Australian Eastern Standard Time, and I was almost passing out from the lack of sleep, but in the end, it was all worth it to see your beautiful face once again. More teasers came out, more promotional things came out, then, finally, it was the day, the day “FLASH” came out. On the 27th of August 2019, I knew I was with X1 for life. 

I remember watching it, and all I could think about was Minhee Minhee Minhee. I couldn’t get you out of my mind, it’s like you were stuck there. I watched “FLASH” over and over again, not only for the song, but also you, Minhee. There’s never been a moment that I haven’t loved you. I’ve been through so many rough spots during my life and I’ve never had someone like you to help me through it. I’ve dealt with some very depressive thoughts and body issues. I’ve been through a lot of friend troubles, but you have always been there to cheer me up, make my day better. 

You may not know who I am, but I know who you are, and you’ve gotten me through some pretty bad spots in my life. When I found out that X1 disbanded, I was shocked to my core. I was in my room I was trying so so hard to believe that it wasn’t real, I just have to wait for proper statements from the companies. I was panicking, at that time, I don’t think it occurred to me, but I was having a panic attack, a pretty bad one too. X1’s disbandment was messing with me really badly. 

Two of my closest friends can say that when I heard that X1 was disbanding I wanted everything to end. I felt like I couldn’t go on without you. It affected me so much that I couldn’t bare being on social media, I left for a few days, and to be honest, that was one of the best weeks of my life. With the help of my friends, and especially you, Minhee, I’m back I came back much happier than how I was feeling before. 

That week I took off, to focus on getting my mental health back to where it had made me the happiest person ever, because I had you, Minhee, you’re one of the reasons why I live today. Currently, I’m having trouble with my family, but I know that when I open my phone or computer, you will be there to help guide and support me with your laughter and beauty, and that is enough for me to go on. 

Despite everything that has gone on in these past few months, from losing any sort of contact with you, to losing X1, I still haven’t managed to lose any of that love that I have for you. Life may get in my way, but I know, at the end of the day, you’ll always be there for me. I don’t know what I would do without you, Kang Minhee. You are the light and love of my life, and I just hope you know that I will NEVER, stop loving you. 

I feel like I’m not meant to be talking about Produce X 101, or X1 in front of you, I feel as though it’s taboo, never to be talked about, but those times were such an important time for me, and the reason why I grew to love you as much as I do now. To be honest, I feel like everything said in this letter is not enough, I haven’t said enough of what I wanted to say to you, and if I send this to you, I’m going to figure out more things that I desperately wanted to say to you, but unfortunately can’t anymore. I feel like everything said in this letter is a complete mess, but I just hope it gets my message across well. 

You’re so important to me Minhee, thank you for deciding to take the path you did, I’m very very thankful. I want you to know, that again, wherever you are, I’ll be there, following you. I will follow you to the ends of the Earth if I have to. There’s something that you will never lose, and it’s all my love that is directed to you, Kang Minhee.