thoughts / fics / ideas

first of all, it’s izone’s two years today. i can’t express how happy that sentence makes me. it’s been two whole years since ‘la vie en rose’ and it’s hard to imagine that it has only been two years since we met izone. i’m not trying to be that person, but this means there’s only six months left. i’m not going to let that stop me though. i’m going to let this mean that i need to love them harder, and that’s exactly what i’ll do, i won’t let them leave when all i feel is regret. i’m sure i won’t though, i’ve spent a lot of time on izone (not that i regret it, i don’t at all), and they’ve made me happy, cheered me up when no one could and i really thank them for it. even though we had that blank, it didn’t make me love them any less, if anything, it made me love them more, made me realise just how important they were and are to me. i met some of the most loveliest ladies ever within izone and i thank them profusely. they get me so emotional just by looking at them, and i think that’s a good feat. there’s only a few groups i’ve cried for and izone is definitely one of them. i don’t know what i would have done if i lost izone earlier this year, but i know i wouldn’t be as happy as i am now. izone’s music has also been a way to escape, i mean, i’ve listened to 431 hours of them, i must be in love right but i still haven’t gotten tired of the songs, or izone even after this long. i know i’m going to get hurt in the long run, but is it worth it? i think so, no, i know so. all of this pain may seem stupid to an outsider, like, why did i even decide to stan a group i knew was going to disband, but it’s the journey i love. i’ve grown and loved with izone, they’ve taught me many things and they’ve been with me as i explore myself as well and i couldn’t be more thankful - that’s the true beauty of izone, not that “they’re going to disband”, every group does, it’s just that izone’s is happening a lot quicker than normal. if the chance ever arises, i would like for izone to be permanent, if they’re not, in the end, then that’s ok too, because i’m prepared for this. until the end, i will keep supporting izone, whether they’re as one, or as twelve different people with different groups, i’ll always be a wizone deep down, deep down, i was and always will be, izone’s wizone.

secondly, it’s bdc’s one year today. now, bdc has been there in my lowest moments ever. i couldn’t be more thankful for any other group than bdc. i first stanned them on the 5th of january this year, not knowing what was incoming for me the next day. the only reason i got out of what x1 put me in, was because of bdc. they saved my fucking life and there’s nothing i can do to repay that. i was at my lowest point ever, but bdc was there, they lifted me up, helped me, gave me a reason to live and i really can’t thank them enough. you can’t see me but i’m crying a lot right now. i keep thinking about how hurt i was, then bdc coming in and dragging me back up. i was happy around them, they made me forget about what i was depressed about in the first place and i really don’t know what would have happened if i didn’t have bdc, but i’m glad i did, i’m so fucking glad i did. bdc is now a constant in my life and another reminder of why i lived after that time of heartache. sihun, junghwan and seongjun are nothing but amazing, and one day i hope to express to them personally how much they mean to me, how they saved my life. i hope they last for many years after this.

lastly, it’s my 1000 days with golden child. i haven’t spoken about golcha much, but they were the second boy group i had ever stanned after hearing what “stanning” means. if any group has watched me grow, it’s goldcha. again, i have nothing but love in my heart for this group. i’ve annoyed my family with their songs, i’ve bopped out to their songs, laughed along with jangjun and another one of his stupidity funny jokes, i’ve cried over how prettily sungyoon, jaehyun, seungmin and joochan sing, i’ve been blown away by the way jangjun and youngyaek rap, the duality of the two of them being insane, i’ve been speechless at the way donghyun and daeyeol dance, like there’s no better dancers in the world, i’ve melted at the way jibeom and bomin look, with the way their faces were carved by an actual god, it’s not fair how good the two of them look, and i’ve constantly adored the way daeyeol leads them all but at the same time being the best friend that daeyeol is to the other nine. they’ve been nothing but wholesome and loveable. i know that i can always go into a golcha video and know that i’ll immediately be smiling, because they’re good like that, amazing like that. they’re just a group of ten whole comedians, they’re the funniest people i know and half of the jokes i get come from golden child (jangjun is the main perpetrator). i wouldn’t trust my life with golden child, but that’s what makes them fun, they don’t care for the rules and break them when they can, that’s just what makes golden child golden child. they stand out in my life, they poke out and i always see them, no matter what they’re doing and i watch just about all their content. i half believe that they do stand up comedy at night when they think no one’s watching, that’s how funny they are to me. golcha is a group that stands out from the rest of the boy groups and i’m so happy to be called a goldenness and be apart of their fandom. golcha has done nothing but be there for me when i need to cheer up and i thank them for it. it’s been a long 1000 days, but i’m glad that i’ve been able to get up to this point. they’re ten amazing men that never fail to be amazing, i can feel their happiness exude whenever i watch golcha videos or lives. i’m thankful that they’re here and i got to learn about the ten of them.