Letter to IZ*ONE

 

two and a half long years have gone by and it’s finally d-day. i sit at my window thinking about my time as a wizone, and i don’t regret it. i may have once or twice regretted ever becoming a wizone, but in the end, i know i’ll always be grateful for getting to know the twelve of you. i feel a sense of… calm right now as i write this; i don’t think it’s sunk in yet. i joke about my mental health going to shit, but it’s no joke, i just like to joke about my pain and suffering, and i really am crumbling at the seams.

to be frank, i don’t want to say goodbye, i don’t think anyone wants to say goodbye to you. there’s going to be a big izone shaped hole in my heart now that you’ve gone. i wanted to badly to stop this day from happening, i wanted to take this day off of the calendar so badly, it hurt to see this date anywhere. i dreaded this day, it happened with wanna one, x1, i knew how i was going to feel, i knew it was going to be painful, but it doesn’t feel any better knowing.

goodbyes will always be painful. no matter how many times i tell myself that this was supposed to happen, i knew that it was coming, i will always be hurting deep inside, it’s only natural. to be honest, i’m finding it hard to keep my tears in as i write this. i don’t want to cry, i don’t want to shed tears, but i am struggling to do that right now. i know that if i turn your music on i’m going to breakdown, but i’ll do it anyway. for my loves.

i feel numb. listening to izone songs that use to give me joy are making me cry in pain, in grief, in anger, and here goes the first tear. the second. izone, my one and only, my rock, my happiness - gone. the tears feel like they’re burning my skin off. no joke. they hurt. the tears falling down my face hurt me. i don’t want to cry anymore. it’s apart of the grieving process i suppose though.

izone as a group have done so much for me, more than i can explain in this simple message. their music have calmed me down in moments of strife, and i can remember one time very clearly when my family were yelling and screaming at each other to the point of the cops being called, but izone was there. they had their live for me to watch, their music for me to listen to. they helped me calm down. i listen to izone almost every night, as proof, i’ve listened to them for a total of 27, 208 as of 3:02am, thursday the 29th of april, 2021. how much more do i need to explain? izone as a group, has always been there for me since i first met them. their smiles, their laughter, their bright bubbling personalities help give meaning to my life, and now that i won’t be able to see them as twelve anymore gives me so much anxiety. how will i deal without their updates everyday? it’s a big sting, but i’ll get over it. someday.